Me and my ADHD

I don't know if anyone will read this. Actually I don't care if anyone reads this.

 I have ADHD. I have thought I did  for a long time, ever since my early teens. My parents always put it off as me being undisciplined or unmotivated. even when i tried to tell them something was wrong with me they never would listen, they just pretty much had a "fix it yourself" and "ADHD isn't real" attitude. All throughout my teens I had problems. I couldn't ever finish my homework, I would put off doing my chores until right before my parents got home, I could never keep my room clean, I would forget to water or feed the dogs, I would even forget about personal hygiene, like showering or brushing my teeth, I always was losing stuff--Sunglasses, hats, keys, backpack, wallet, even my Dad's tools. My parents always would get so mad at me because of these traits and many others I constantly displayed. I pretty much failed High School because I couldn't ever remember to finish my homework. My teachers would get so frustrated with me because I would Ace EVERY test they gave me, but I just never could finish my homework. I never could do well at sports because I couldn't focus on what was going on. My mom has videos of me Playing with flowers in the grass in the outfield or messing with my shirt at the goal line.  I really struggled in pretty much every aspect of my life growing up. The ONLY place i felt like made sense was at punk rock shows. Finally there was a place where there was so much going on that I could actually focus. between the mosh pit, the loud music, the crowds, the crazy clothes and hair; I FINALLY felt like I could just be me. Of course this led to destructive behavior that is innate with any of the underground music scenes.

After I got out of school and moved out on my own it didn't get any better. Within a year of living on my own I had multiple accounts in collections, I was behind multiple months on my rent, I had negative balances in 2 checking accounts and maxxed out credit limits on 2 credit cards. I had held and lost or quit over 12 jobs and couldn't pay my bills because i couldn't find work. My house was constantly a disaster, Dirty dishes piled up, garbage all over, I even remember a potted plant spilling over and never getting cleaned up. I got to the point where the power and water had been turned off, and they were in the process of evicting me from the place.

When all this happened, i knew something was obviously wrong with me, and i knew i needed to do something. My solution was to join the Air Force. They say that with ADHD when you have an idea you have to act on impulse and do it right away. Well that was entirely the case with me joining the Air Force. I was laying in bed one night at about 3 am, worried sick about how far behind I was on all my bills and trying to figure out what i was going to do. The thought came in my head that i should join the military. My first thought was to join the Navy, but I decided that I didn't want to be on a boat and I had always heard the Air Force treats you better. So I decided I was going to join the Air Force. I couldn't wait though. I got up at 630 AM and went to the recruiters office, of course he wasn't open yet so i looked at the hours and made sure I was at his door at 9 am when he opened. I didn't want to wait, i wanted to get on the plane that day and leave. Unfortunately I had to go through a whole process and wait for a job to come available. I moved back in with my parents while I was waiting to join and Suddenly I had a combination of both the problems I had growing up and the problems I had when living on my own. I always was behind on paying my parents the rent we had agreed on, I still couldn't stay at a job, I struggled with cleanliness, and I was always getting in trouble for not finishing the chores i was assigned.

I finally got to Basic Training in July of 2007 and I thought for sure it would help me fix all my problems and finally learn some of what i thought was a lack of discipline. As it turned out I struggled all the way through basic training also. I failed multiple inspections, Constantly struggled with drill, I would get called out all the time for all sorts of attention to detail things such as strings on my uniform or my wall locker not being arranged perfectly. I always thought i had done everything i needed to do , but then I would end up failing another inspection, or forgetting to lock my security drawer and ending up in trouble once again. I made it through basic by the skin of my teeth and went on to Tech school. Of course I struggled in Tech School, Forgetting to study for the following days test or getting so distracted I wouldn't fall asleep until super late and then not wake up on time for reveille. Some how I graduated Tech school and made it into the Operational Air Force.

Little did I know My first assignment would be hell for me. I was sent to the Air Force Financial Services Center, Which was a new centralized center for processing all Air Force Finance Transactions. I was assigned to travel and was expected to sit quietly in front of a computer and repetitively input data into a computer system hundreds of times a day. there was absolutely no variation in my job. day in and day out for 49 months I was expected to do the same task over and over and over again. Anyone with any experience with ADHD knows this is the worst possible thing you can have us do. We need to be able to do multiple tasks, to keep moving and going from one task to the next. I absolutely failed at everything about this job. I consistently didn't meet any of the metrics, I would fail to process as many documents as I was supposed to, I couldn't keep my accuracy anywhere near what it was expected to be. Day in and day out I would see my name at the absolute bottom of all the boards with stats on them. I saw all my peers get promoted to auditor or team lead, and people who came in years after me move past me while i still sat there attempting to do a task that I just could not do.  I finally got a break in 2010 When I was slated to deploy to Iraq. I feel like this was the first time I ever excelled at something. I remember my supervisor telling me that I was the one person he was most worried about deploying with, but that i turned out to be his number one troop over there. The reason for this was clear to me. It was a high stress environment with a ton of things going on at once. When "normal" people felt like they were drowning in stress, I felt like I finally could actually work and use my brain in the way it was made. I absolutely loved being deployed. Dealing with lots of customers and having a hundred things going on at once kept me motivated and working hard. Unfortunately, after that 6 months in Iraq I had to return to the Finance Center and go back to staring at a computer. My Biggest struggle became getting distracted. One little thing would pop into my head and I would HAVE to go right then and Google it. Before I even found the answer I wanted something on that page would spark my interest and I would click on it, or google that, then before I knew it I was 15 pages away from what I originally needed to look at and had just wasted 40 min. of my day. I got moved to be right next to my supervisors so they could keep an eye on me, but that didn't really help either. I would get so distracted or lost in my thoughts in the middle of a voucher that i would sit in the same voucher for an hour even if it should have only taken 15 min. If I got a big voucher it would seem so overwhelming to me that I would just try to avoid it as long as possible. I constantly was being told that I pretty much sucked and couldn't do anything right. Of course that just made the situation worse because I would get so frustrated with myself that I just hated even being at work. This all just kept getting worse and worse. It was like a was on a slide that was greased with Crisco and trying desperately to climb up but just kept sliding further and further down. I also constantly struggled with paying my bills. I would always impulsively buy stuff and end up not having enough money for rent or for my electric bill. I got my electricity or water turned off multiple times and ended up back in debt again. I struggled with keeping my house clean. I had an extra room in my house and it would always end up just absolutely filled with junk. so bad that you couldn't even walk around. The problem was always the same. I would try to keep on top of something like my bills or cleaning, but after a few weeks or a few months I would start to let it go, then it would get to the point of where I saw it as overwhelming so I would just give up and ignore it until it was SOO bad that I had no choice but to take care of it.

I have constantly, Since I was a kid, had problems with speaking out of turn, interrupting people, and not being able to stay quiet. If people are talking I always feel like I have to join in. If there is a chance to ask questions in a class or in a meeting i feel like I have to ask something. The worst is that I don't even notice a lot of time that i am doing it. I constantly push people away because of this. All the rest of my ADHD related problems seem minor compared to this. I have had supervisors just explode and verbally attack me because of this. I have ruined countless friendships and relationships because of this. If I could only change one thing about myself it would be the way I communicate. There is nothing I hate more about myself than this. I wish I could just tell all the people I have annoyed or made mad that I am sorry and that I wish I could fix this about myself.

I finally decided in the spring of 2011 that I wanted to figure out what was wrong with me. I started doing research online and was absolutely amazed to find out that there were other people that had almost exactly the same struggles and problems I have spent my whole life dealing with. I was really biased going into this because my parents had always given me the impression that ADHD wasn't real and it was just something made up. But the more I read the more I realized that there is tons of scientific evidence proving it is real, and that I had ALL the signs of it. I finally scheduled an appointment with mental health and saw a psychiatrist. The Psychiatrist knew almost right away that I had ADHD just from our first meeting. He formally diagnosed with me with it and started figuring out treatment. I have tried medicine, but I didn't notice much of a change. I quit the medicine and decided I wanted to try to fix it myself. I felt like a huge fog had been lifted and I finally could see exactly what was wrong with me and learn to live with it.

After I was diagnosed with ADHD I was so relieved to find out what was wrong with me and I felt like a huge weight lifted off my shoulders and I could finally put a name to my problem. I wanted to tell everyone I knew that I have ADHD and I wasn't just weird or messed up. I started telling people, starting with my own family. The first person i told was my Mom, and she told me she doesn't believe I have anything wrong with me. And as I told others almost everyone reacted in a way that made it seem like it was just a trivial thing, that I was stupid, or that ADHD was just made up and it was all in my mind. This really hurt. I felt like I finally could understand what was wrong with me and I thought that it will help others to see why I act the way I do. Instead I just got rejected and Mocked by those closest to me. After this I pretty much started hiding my ADHD and didn't like to tell anyone about it. It stunk not to be able to tell anyone though, because if I didn't tell people my personality would just push everyone away, but if I did tell them, then they would treat me like I was making stuff up. hiding it just seems like the easier option.

Since then I have moved from Ellsworth to a different job at McChord. I now am doing much better at work. In this job I deal with customers and have a bunch of different tasks to accomplish everyday. My ADHD has really helped me to excel at work. My supervisor tells me that I am her number 1 out of 9 airmen under her. I have been able to come up with multiple innovative solutions to problems we had around the office, or just better ways to do little things that I discovered. My mind allows me to skip the analytical part of going through a problem and see the shortcut or get directly to the solution. When other people spend time going in a linear path from one step to the next through something I can see it all at once and jump straight to the conclusion. I usually cant tell you how I got there, but I just know that I did. I guess I don't really understand how " normal" minds work so I cant really describe the difference, I just know there are something I can figure out faster than most people and without having to go through a lot of silly steps.

I have found that written plans, budgets, timetables, schedules really help me to stay focused a lot better. The problem that I have is that I will get an idea of how to fix this problem i am having (Create a budget and track all of my expenses on my smart phone so i can stay on top of my finances) and I will focus completely on that and get it all set up and ready to start using, then I will do it for a few weeks and slowly I will stop doing it and revert back to the old ADHD me.  I really want to figure out how to take all these ideas I have, put them into practice and then make it habit to where I just do it and stay focused on it and actually learn to control my ADHD.

The other problems that i have is with time management. I will get so distracted by something such as the Internet or facebook or the news or whatever that I will completely forget what I am supposed to be doing and focus entirely on that thing. In my mind I say "oh it will only be one minute, its no big deal" but then before I know it, it has been 25 min and I end up late or i missed something. A perfect example of this is that one time last summer Bree and I were going to go do something, so I picked her up after work and we drove to my house so I could change. She decided to wait in the car while I changed and said to me "please don't take forever" So on the way to my door I thought to myself "OK, I am not going to look at anything, I am going to change and get back out there as fast as I can." well I went in to my room, got my blouse and one boot off and thought about something i needed to look up on my phone. I grabbed my phone to "just look at that one thing real quick" well before I knew it she was knocking on my door, and it had been 20 min. When I went and opened the door I had upset her so much that she was crying and telling me to take her home. The worst is how I hurt others. Specially Bree. I try so hard to always make sure I am not going to hurt her and when i do something like that it makes her feel like I forgot her or something, which hurts her really badly and in turn makes me Feel like Crap. I ahve tried to talk to her and explain to her how my brain works, but she just cant understand and I know it frustrates her that I am this way. She has told me multiple times to get help, but I really think the best help I can get is to have her and others actually try to understand me and help me work through my flaws.

I am deployed right now, and i have spent the last 3 months of this deployment really trying to work on my self discipline. I have been actually staying on top of budgetting my money, paying off my debt, and creating and sticking to a daily routine so I can get in all the things i want to be doing done. Now there have been days where i have gotten off course, but i feel like they are  getting fewer. I really hope I can continue this when I get home. What I really hope is that people will read this Blog and see how much i truly struggle with this and will try and help support me. I promise I am trying as hard as I can to fix myself, but I just really could use help from those around me. I know the The LORD is always with me also, he gave me this "disorder" for a reason and he has used it to bless me in huge ways. I know he is guiding me and I love that through my weaknesses he shows his strength. His Grace is Sufficient for me.

One last thing. ADHD and ADD are real disorders. They are not made up, they are not some ploy by the drug companies to sell more drugs. They are real and the earlier someone is diagnosed the better chances they have of learning to lead a productive life and actually live well with the hand God dealt them. If you think you, or youre Child has ADHD PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE get it checked out. Nothing has helped me more than actually beign able to put a name to what I had going on inside me and realize that I am not alone in my struggles. I am worried about a lot of kids that I see that remind me of myself so much, People like my little brother, who have a lot of the same problems I had, and havent been diagnosed. Rates of everything from suicide to crime to drug use to gang membership is higher with kids that have ADHD. The only way to help these kids is to get them diagnosed and actually start treating them and working with a behavior therapist to find ways to cope with the issues.

I am sure that most of the people who read this will just keep thinking ADHD is made up, or just a trivial thing some kids have. but ADHD, including adult ADHD is very real and seriously affects me and many others day.

This article really helps to explain how it feels to have ADHD and if you really want to try and understand those of us with it, you should read it: http://www.healthyplace.com/adhd/articles/whats-it-like-to-have-adhd/having-adhd/

"It is written"

 And Jesus, full of the Holy Spirit, returned from the Jordan and was led by the Spirit in the wilderness

 for forty days, being tempted by the devil. And he ate nothing during those days. And when they were ended, he was hungry.

 The devil said to him, “If you are the Son of God, command this stone to become bread.”

And Jesus answered him, “It is written, ‘Man shall not live by bread alone.’”

 And the devil took him up and showed him all the kingdoms of the world in a moment of time,

 and said to him, “To you I will give all this authority and their glory, for it has been delivered to me, and I give it to whom I will.

If you, then, will worship me, it will all be yours.”

 And Jesus answered him, “It is written,
  “‘You shall worship the Lord your God,
  and him only shall you serve.’”

  And he took him to Jerusalem and set him on the pinnacle of the temple and said to him, “If you are the Son of God, throw yourself down from here,

 for it is written,
  “‘He will command his angels concerning you,
  to guard you,’

  and
  “‘On their hands they will bear you up,
  lest you strike your foot against a stone.’”

  And Jesus answered him, “It is said, ‘You shall not put the Lord your God to the test.’”

And when the devil had ended every temptation, he departed from him until an opportune time.

(Luke 4:1-13 ESV)

OTHER VERSES TO REFLECT UPON:

2 Timothy 3:16-17 , Psalm 119:105, Joshua 1:8, Hebrews 4:12, Acts 17:11,

Ephesians 6:10-17

Well this passage of scripture has been on my heart to write about for 2 weeks now.  I kept neglecting it but I just couldn’t shake the feeling that I need to write about what the lord put on my heart concerning this scripture. So I am sorry if it comes out as a jumbled mess of thoughts, but I will try my hardest to make it make sense

My 2 biggest challenges since becoming a Christian 2 and half years ago has always been Prayer and staying strong in my daily devotional bible reading. I get so distracted by all of the other things of life that I neglect these 2 most important things. I know I am starving myself spiritually, not reading The Bible or spending time in prayer is a lot like going days without eating, it is starving yourself spiritually of the "nutrients" most important to your soul. Listening to a sermon on Sunday or saying a little prayer every once in a while throughout that day are like little snacks, but they can never take the place of the "meals" that is spending time daily in The Word, and spending time specifically with God in a dedicated prayer session.

Since I have gotten to this deployment my bible reading has grown a lot stronger, there is less here to be distracted by and I find it easier to take time right before bed to get in a good session of reading. However, my prayer life is still struggling. I have an hour set up every morning specifically for prayer, but I end up staying up to late at night, then not getting up in time to go pray before going to work. I keep telling myself I am going to change this, but then I just do the same thing over and over and over again. 

So in my bible reading I recently read this passage, and it struck me in a way it never had before. I have probably read this passage 10 times before in my previous times of reading through the Gospels, but before I always thought "oh it’s pretty cool that he was able to resist the temptations of the devil" and that was about the end of my thought process on the matter. But this time as I read through it, I noticed something unique about how Jesus resisted the devil. He didn’t do it by his own power, or by any sort of strength he had, but instead he was able to resist the devil because he knew the scriptures. We see three specific examples of Jesus being tempted by the devil and all three times Jesus uses a Quote from The Scriptures to specifically stop the devils temptation. Now, obviously, we know that Jesus is God so he actually has power over Satan because he created Satan. But I think he put these into scripture to show us how important it is to know the scriptures in order to help defend against the spiritual attacks we receive every day. Ephesians 6:17 makes it clear that the Word of God is more than just a way to help us; it's actually the sword use to fight the enemy. All of the rest of the spiritual armor is defensive but the Word is actually an offensive weapon that puts us in a position of power over the temptation of the devil.

The last of the 3 examples of Jesus being tempted in this passage really stuck out to me. The devil in this example actually USES the scripture to try and tempt Jesus. That means that Satan knows the bible. In fact, I would say he probably knows it better than a lot of us do. But notice how he uses it, He takes 2 random verses, completely out of context, then twists them to fit his meaning. It’s amazing how often we see that happen in our lives. We take scripture and twist it to try and justify some sinful thing we want to do, or to justify not doing something we don't like or don't want to do. There have been whole Cults and False religions such as the Mormons, Jehovah's Witnesses and others that have been built around twisting the scriptures and misinterpreting the Word. Now as you can see, Jesus uses a different verse, in its proper context to actually refute the devil's attempt. As it says in 2 Timothy 3:16-17 , Psalm 119:105, Joshua 1:8, and Hebrews 4:12 the Word is what guides us, it is used for reproof, for teaching, it is a light for our feet, it will make our way prosperous, and it discerns our thoughts. Therefore if we are using it in context of the passage and the Bible as a whole we can be assured it will guide us to truth and will overcome the attempts of the devil to use it to harm us. This is even more of a reason why we need to be STRONG in our bible reading, because if we aren’t reading the bible, we are more likely to fall prey to false religions, teachers, and thoughts.   

So let me use this to encourage you. Take time EVERY day to sit down with your bible and spend time in it. Read it, Study it, Live it. When you are going through the temptations, struggles, and battles we face every day, reflect on the scriptures and use them to fight back against every advance of the Devil. Never listen to what any preacher, prophet, friend, book, or thought says, unless it specifically agrees with the Bible. Remember the Bible alone is the ONLY revelation God gave us, it is Gods only and full revelation to us and it tells us EVERYTHING God wants us to know about him, about how to be saved, and about how to live, no other book, pastor, priest, or prophet has any other revelation besides what is stated in the bible. Anything that does not line up exactly with the bible should not be followed. So in closing please take time and be like the Bereans in Acts 17:11, study the scriptures daily, learn what is true, and how to follow God more closely.

GUILTY!

We have all become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous deeds are like a polluted garment. We all fade like a leaf, and our iniquities, like the wind, take us away. There is no one who calls upon your name, who rouses himself to take hold of you; for you have hidden your face from us, and have made us melt int the hand of our iniquities.  (Isaiah 64:6-7)
Verses to read: 
Romans 3:23; Proverbs 28:13; 1John 1:7-9; John 14:15; Galatians 5:19-21; Ephesians 2:8; 2Corinthians 12:9


 Last Month I had the chance to sit in on a military court marshal. This is the equivalent of a civilian court proceeding. The Airman who was being tried had gotten in a wreck while driving drunk and got a DUI. His friend and him left the bar and got in his car to drive home, a few blocks away from the bar he slammed in to the back of a parked Thunderbird. Luckily no one was seriously injured. his friend had a minor concussion and some broken ribs. But what if he had hit a moving car? he could have died, or killed an innocent bystander.The civilian courts turned the prosecution of this case over to the military, so he was tried in the military court system. 
 The court case started off with an explanation of the charges and then the prosecutor called up their witnesses and each one told about exactly what happened. the Police officer told about how bad he failed the field sobriety test, how he had a .23 BAC, and the way he acted when he was arrested. The nurse from the hospital told of administering the Blood test. His friend told exactly what he remembered from the night. 
 The Defense then called up their witness, The Airman's supervisor, who talked about how great of an airman he was and all the things he had accomplished. He was truly a top of the line Airman, he had made Senior Airman BTZ (he made the next rank six months early), he was put in charge of projects that were above his pay grade, he had a very long list of volunteer activities and all the positive things he had done and he had volunteered for multiple deployments to Iraq and Afghanistan. He was what we call a "stellar Airman."
 After this both sides said their closing arguments and they both recommended to the Judge what punishment he should receive. The Prosecutors argued that because he had committed the crime he should receive a harsh punishment. The defense argued that because he was such a stellar Airman, and he was such a good asset to the Air Force that the Judge shouldn't punish him, or only give him a minor punishment, After all, this was the first time he ever messed up or got in trouble.
 The Judge ended up giving him a strict punishment. He lost one stripe (rank), a half of a months pay was taken, he wasn't allowed to leave base for 15 days, and he had to work hard labor for 45 days. 


I do a lot of witnessing, and one common thing I come across more than anything, is that people think that their goods will make up for the bad they have done. Most people feel that they are good (Proverbs 20:8) and that God will let them in to heaven because of how much good they are done. This is a lot like this Airman. He thought that because he was such a good Airman the Judge should let him go. He hoped that the judge would see all the good he has done and overlook the bad. But the judge couldn't do that. Because the Judge is just, and must uphold the law, he had to punish the Airman for the DUI. If he had let the Airman go, he wouldn't have been a righteous judge at all. 
 The Bible says that God will judge the world in righteousness (Psalm 96:13), And because he is a good Judge he cant overlook even the smallest sin. In fact, He tells us in his word that we will be judged for EVERY idle word we ever speak. (Matthew 12:36-37). Every sin we commit will be brought before Gods Judgment and we will have to give an account for it. The punishment for sin is eternity in Hell. (Romans 6:23) No matter how much good we do, God will never look at our good deeds and overlook our sin. The bible says that People who practice sin will not inherit the Kingdom of God (Galatians 5:19-21) Just like the Airman, you can beg and plead for God to forgive you, you can promise you will change, you can masquerade all of your good deeds in front of him, but he says that is all just a filthy rag (Isaiah 64:6-7) It is like trying to bribe God with your works.
 But at the same time, God loves us so much (John 3:16) that he made a way for us to get out of the punishment that we deserved. He sent his Son to live a perfect life, then die a sinners death on the cross. When he did that he took every single ounce of punishment we are owed upon himself. He made a way for us to be forgiven, not because of what we do, but because of what he already did (Ephesians 2:8). His Grace is sufficient. His strength upon that cross covered us. When we are weak, it shows how strong he is. (2 Corinthians 12:9). 
 Jesus wants us to obey him. He told us that if we love him we will obey him (John 14:15). But we obey him because we love him. It is not to try and earn our way into heaven. Jesus gave you us a free gift with his salvation, and when we try to earn our way in its like we are trying to pay for that gift. but our payment is pathetic. It could never add up to the cost of his sacrifice. When he died on the cross he forgave all of our sins, past, present and future. And we know that if we confess our sins to him, and turn away from them, he will forgive us completely. (1John 1:7-9) no matter how bad of a sin it is, no matter what you have done, Jesus's sacrifice at Calvary covered it. He paid your fine in full and he is ready to forgive you , All it takes is trust. Just trust that he died for your sins and was resurrected 3 days later. You might not feel worthy of his forgiveness, but the truth is, that none of us our. every single one of us are filthy, sinful, wretched people. We deserve nothing less than death. But Jesus gave us what we don't deserve. he gave us life, eternally.


PRAYER IDEAS
- Ask God to Search heart, to make sure you aren't trusting your own righteousness
-Thank God For his Sacrifice
-Praise God For how great he is
-Confess your sins, even the deepest darkest sins of your heart
- Ask the holy spirit to humble you so you may trust fully in Jesus's sacrifice.
- Pray for the salvation of those that dont know Jesus.

faith enough to ask

this Article is very inspiring. Do you have enough faith to ask?

Cant see the forest for the trees

THE FOREST....THE TREES

Trials and troubles
...They come to us all.
We stumble, we falter
And sometimes we fall.

Our focus distorted,
Our vision impaired,
Attention to earth's cares
Has caused us to err.

But God gives the way to
go through these with ease,
'cause He sees the forest,
though we see the trees.

We search to know God's will
...we strive for His way.
We know when we find it,
we're sure not to stray.

We think that we trust Him
...His plan is the best.
And if He'll just show us,
then in it we'll rest.

But we ask for His guidance,
then do as we please.
Though He sees the forest,
we're lost in the trees.

There's much more to faith
than what meets the eye.
It's trusting He'll do right,
not questioning why.

It's giving up our wants,
letting Him have the say
...it's doing what He wants
...and without delay.

It's spending time seeking Him
While down on our knees.
Letting Him see the forest,
and us just the trees.

Memorial Day

Hey Everyone, This is my first "real" post. sorry its a couple days late. This is what I hope that most of my posts look like. I hope to post once a week. Please bare with me as I am sure this blog will evolve over time.
  John 15:13-Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.
Verses to read:  Romans 12:1-2, Matthew 16:25 Luke 12:33, Genesis22, 1John 3:16, John 3:16


"LOAD UP!" yelled the Truck Commander as we were standing around Chatting. I grabbed my 38 lbs. body armor vest, helmet, M16, backpack filled with 5 days of supplies and $50,000 cash, and pelican case loaded up with computer equipment and climbed in to the MRAP Truck. As we approached the gate the truck commander told us "weapons status red" and we all put in a magazine and put a round in the chamber then checked each other to make sure our safety was on and all we had all of our protective gear on properly. Then we came to a stop and our turret gunner fired a few rounds from his 50 Cal. machine Gun attached to the top of our Truck. This was always when it really hit Home for me. I was leaving the relative safety of the FOB and heading out into the actual war. I knew that from this moment on, for the next 5 days any moment could be last. All it took was the truck I was in running over an IED (roadside Bomb) and I could breathe my last breath. After we exited the gate we crossed the Tigris River then headed in to Mosul, and started our 5 day journey to resupply the soldiers stationed at 12 different checkpoints across northern Iraq. We were bringing them much needed supplies, their mail, and money so they could buy supplies from the truck that followed us around. On top of this we usually took them a tub full of hot food, usually the first hot meal these soldiers had in weeks. As we drove through Mosul my wing-man reminded me that we were on the road nicknamed "death row" or the "green mile" because of the amount of attacks American convoys experienced on this stretch of highway. Then out the right window we saw the charred remnants of what appeared to be where an explosion took place. The Truck commander told us that is where a HMMWV (Humvee) had hit an IED (roadside bomb) the day before and 3 soldiers had died while driving to a checkpoint to take their fellow soldiers a hot meal and some supplies.
 We spent the next five days travelling all over, setting up mobile finance offices in these little checkpoints, were 20-45 soldiers lived in tents with no running water, A/C, or hot food. Our Job was to go there and give these soldiers some money from their paycheck so they could go to the supply truck and buy some basic supplies such as toothpaste and deodorant, and IF they were lucky a magazine or energy drink.

 I have spent a lot of time reflecting on my deployment to Iraq. I could go on for hours about the lessons I learned from the things I saw there. But on this memorial day I want to take time to think about the sacrifices made by our soldiers, Sailors, Marines, Airmen, and Coasties. In the verse for today we are told there is no greater love than to lay down your life for your friends. The Soldiers that died in that HMMWV were simply trying to take a hot meal to their Battle Buddies that were living in very austere locations. They were willing to put their lives on the lines to give their friends a little comfort. Just think of the thousands of service members that laid down their lives, not for their friends, but for people they dont\'t even know, to try and protect their own country, but also to try and give the citizens of another country a better life.

 But even more than the sacrifice of the soldiers, think of the sacrifice of our savior. He died an absolutely brutal death, A death he didn't deserve, A death none of us would ever want to face. and he did it all for a wretched, sinful, hateful, people as us. Really, reflect on John 3:16 and think about what God Gave for us.

Could you give up your Child for someone else? I doubt it, But God Did. In Romans 12:1-2 we are told to present ourselves as a living sacrifice to God. To surrender ourselves entirely to him and let his will be done in us. Jesus Told us that we must be willing to lose our lives if we want to save them (Matthew 16:25) and even told someone to go sell all his possessions and give to the poor if he wants to inherit eternal life (Luke 12:33). I think that this could be the call of any of us, and we need to be ready to give up anything that God may call us to. We need to be willing to lay everything down on God's Altar as a sacrifice just like Abraham did his son (Genesis 22). Remember that since Christ laid down his life for us we need to be willing to lay down our lives for him, and for each other. (1John3:16).

What in your life would be the hardest for you to give up? Is there anything that, if God called you to, you wouldn't be willing to give up to him? Your house, car, clothes, friends or family? Prayerfully ask God to reveal to you if there is something you couldn't give up, anything that you have begun to Idolize, to love more than you love God. and if he puts something on your heart, ask for his help to repent of that idol, and to turn to him. Remember, seeking after God doesn't end with your salvation, but instead we should constantly be seeking after God, always seeking to learn his will for us, and to follow his plan for our lives.

God loves you more than anything, and he has a will for your life, we may not understand it, we might not like it sometimes. but it is important to remember that "In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls." -1 Peter 1:6-9.


Prayer Ideas
-Thank God for his Sacrifice at Calvary
-Thank God for sending his Holy Spirit to Guide you
-Ask for Humbleness, that you may submit to his will
-Ask him for Discernment so you may more clearly see his will
-Ask for his will to be done in your life, no matter the cost
-Ask God for him to reveal the Idols in your Life
-Ask God if there is anything he wants you to sacrifice for his glory
-Ask him for strength for you to carry out his will

the Gospel

Probably the most awesome Gospel presentation i've heard Propaganda -THE G.O.S.P.E.L