Marriage Myth- "I Never Really Loved Her"

It’s a tricky thing, marriage.

Thirty-something’s sit across the table from Their attorney and claim that they never really loved their spouses.

They were duped, or forced, or manipulated, they claim.

They were merely sexually repressed, forced into marriage by archaic notions of purity. Not in love, no. They merely needed to consummate, or copulate, or whatever.

That’s what they claim.

Yes, I know this is risqué business.

Truth is, humans are revisionists. Always have been. History is told from a distinct point of view. Truth gives way to perception.

The difficult here-and-now colors the beautiful there-and-then in shades of mirage.

It’s easier to say “I never loved” than it is to say “I forgot how to love.”

I think it’s important to remember truth, to not get bogged down in alternative realities.

We must remind ourselves of what we once knew—”love never fails.”

So today, I’m going to tell the truth.

And I’m going on record to dispel a myth. And let me be clear: this is an active effort to be proactive and protect my marriage. The Myth – I never really loved her/him.

*** I had just turned 24, moved to a new state and a new base. I was still a new Christian and pretty much a legalist. I was passionate about the outdoors and about evangelism.

She was 21 and had also just moved to Washington. She was experiencing life for the first time away from home. She had this sexy innocent look that made me weak in the knees.

It took a serious blizzard to get her to go on a date with me, but when she finally agreed we had so much fun and spent all night talking and enjoying each other’s company.

One Time we drove to Ocean Shores Washington on a whim. It was early spring, and the beach was cold and windy but we got to see the ocean together and then we rented a moped and drove all over Ocean Shores. She sat behind me with her arms wrapped around me huddled close to me. It felt like we were lifelong lovers even though we had only been together 2 months. We only lasted in the cold for about an hour before hurrying into the local McDonald’s to defrost our hands while drinking hot chocolate and spending time in close conversation.

I remember when I was leaving for my deployment. We packed up all of my stuff and she kissed me goodbye. I remember seeing the tears in her eyes as she got in the pickup and drove away. It was at that moment that I knew for a fact that she was the one I wanted to spend my life with.

We got engaged right after I got home from my Deployment. We were married a week later.

We moved into an Apartment together in Lakewood, WA. She stuck with me through some rough times. We spent that first year learning to be a spouse to one another, exploring the art of love.

And we explored well.

We went camping together. We went on road trips. We went hiking. We joined a church. We got a dog. We moved halfway across the country. We had a baby. We built a house. We built and are building a life.

It would be a lie to say that I never loved you, Bree. I loved you from the beginning. Don’t ever let me spin an alternative reality. ***

Did you love your spouse in the beginning? Can you tell the truth?

The lie is easy, but the truth will set you free.

Feel free to use the comments to dispel the myth.

Or, better yet, write a post on your blog dispelling the myth, then tell us about it here