confessions of an atheist (my testimony)

I used to be an atheist. I used to believe God was a fairy tale and anyone who believed in him was either delusional or an idiot. My life as an atheist revolved around my own desires. I loved punk rock, mtn. Biking, women, and rock climbing. I hated Christians and thought they were all stupid. I was very selfish, thought I knew more than anyone and truly just hateful. Mtn. Biking and rock climbing was huge to me.. if I wasn't outdoors doing something I want happy. I had to keep my mind occupied and my adrenaline pumping or I got really bored and lonely. When I got lonely I would start looking for a girl.. someone to keep my company and please my lustful desires.. This never really fulfilled me.. I would be happy and the time when I was on my bike or on the rock or with a new girl. But then I would fall back into boredom and loneliness again right away. I was really struggling with figuring out what my life meant.. I always felt like I was headed nowhere fast, with no idea what my future holds.

 

 I wasn't looking for God. I thought my life was going great.. but God came looking for me. I went on a date with a Catholic girl and she started asking me about my beliefs. I started arguing with her, but she just said that it didn't seem like I knew much about God and that maybe I should get a Bible and read what God is really like. I thought that maybe it's a good idea, that way I can learn about the Bible so I could use it against Christians. Well I bought one, and started to try and read it.. I couldn't understand it though and gave up.

 

Then a few days later, I heard a man I am good friends with talking about God and I started debating with him about it. He started telling me about his faith and his testimony. And then he invited me to some event his church was putting on. I decided to go and check it out. At this event there was a speaker and he had a Gospel message... this message was brief but really made me start having questions of "what if God was real?".

 

 I started to do research online and started having a lot more questions. One night a week later I was in Walmart at 11 pm looking at muscle magazines. These 2 guys walk up to me and start talking to me about God and asking me what I believe. Well I ended up talking to them for about 45 min. And after that I left walked out of Walmart and decided God had to be real because he just proved it by sending these 2 guys to talk to me at that exact time in my life.

 

I left a couple days later to go to a military training in New Jersey. While I was there I decided that since God had to be real I had better become a Christian... so I went and got my dog tags changed. After I did that I started wondering how to make such a huge change in my life... To go from living as an atheist to being a Christian. I had no clue, and was really struggling with, how to change my life and actually start living like a Christian. I knew I couldn’t do it on my own and was really searching for a way to change.

 

 I came back home for 10 days before leaving to Iraq. One day I was in Target sitting on a bench and this girl walks up to me and starts talking to me about some climbing balls I was playing with. We started talking about the summer and what she was doing and she told me she was there for a summer camp and was studying the Holy Spirit. She asked me if I knew who the Holy Spirit is, and I told her no. She then asked me if she could show me some Scriptures about it. She showed me where Jesus tells his disciples that he is going to send the Holy Spirit to dwell within every believer and guide them in the way they should go. I was blown away. I told her about how I had recently decided to become a Christian but couldn't figure out how to start following Christ. So we talked a little more and she invited me to pray for the Holy Spirit. At that point I prayed with her and asked for repentance from my sins and for the Holy Spirit to come in to my life.

 

 Just before I received Christ I was really struggling with fear of my deployment to Iraq. I also was struggling with my selfishness and loneliness. Almost immediately I started to see a change. I was feeling guilty about sins that had never even crossed my mind before. I was starting to see my old desires change to new ones that seemed strange but very exciting. Suddenly I was at peace. I felt like even when I was lonely I had someone there with me. I had this unquenchable desire to learn about God and to start living differently. I wanted to please God and be a new person.

 

After I received Christ I started to pray regularly, go to church, hang out with Christians and seek to know Jesus as much as possible. I really felt like something inside of me had changed. The Bible tells us that when we receive Christ we are born again, that we are new creations in him. We have new hearts with new desires... this was very evident in me because of the change everyone noticed since I became a Christian I have been able to move past the problems of my past. I don't struggle with loneliness anymore and I don't have to be getting an adrenaline rush in order to be happy. I still enjoy the outdoors and doing the stuff I used to. But now it is just a hobby and not an addiction.

 

I have been able, because of Gods strength, to get away from my sinful stuff that I was doing sexually and instead focus the energy I used to focus and meeting new girls on to seeking after Jesus. I first really noticed the change when one night I was really bored and decided instead of going and meeting a new girl or something that I was going to go out to the mall and talk to people about Christ.

 

 I used to be motivated by my lusts and desires. Now I am motivated by the want to seek out Jesus and follow his will for my life. I find my motivation through his words and through the things he desires me to do.

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