Marriage Myth- "I Never Really Loved Her"

It’s a tricky thing, marriage.

Thirty-something’s sit across the table from Their attorney and claim that they never really loved their spouses.

They were duped, or forced, or manipulated, they claim.

They were merely sexually repressed, forced into marriage by archaic notions of purity. Not in love, no. They merely needed to consummate, or copulate, or whatever.

That’s what they claim.

Yes, I know this is risqué business.

Truth is, humans are revisionists. Always have been. History is told from a distinct point of view. Truth gives way to perception.

The difficult here-and-now colors the beautiful there-and-then in shades of mirage.

It’s easier to say “I never loved” than it is to say “I forgot how to love.”

I think it’s important to remember truth, to not get bogged down in alternative realities.

We must remind ourselves of what we once knew—”love never fails.”

So today, I’m going to tell the truth.

And I’m going on record to dispel a myth. And let me be clear: this is an active effort to be proactive and protect my marriage. The Myth – I never really loved her/him.

*** I had just turned 24, moved to a new state and a new base. I was still a new Christian and pretty much a legalist. I was passionate about the outdoors and about evangelism.

She was 21 and had also just moved to Washington. She was experiencing life for the first time away from home. She had this sexy innocent look that made me weak in the knees.

It took a serious blizzard to get her to go on a date with me, but when she finally agreed we had so much fun and spent all night talking and enjoying each other’s company.

One Time we drove to Ocean Shores Washington on a whim. It was early spring, and the beach was cold and windy but we got to see the ocean together and then we rented a moped and drove all over Ocean Shores. She sat behind me with her arms wrapped around me huddled close to me. It felt like we were lifelong lovers even though we had only been together 2 months. We only lasted in the cold for about an hour before hurrying into the local McDonald’s to defrost our hands while drinking hot chocolate and spending time in close conversation.

I remember when I was leaving for my deployment. We packed up all of my stuff and she kissed me goodbye. I remember seeing the tears in her eyes as she got in the pickup and drove away. It was at that moment that I knew for a fact that she was the one I wanted to spend my life with.

We got engaged right after I got home from my Deployment. We were married a week later.

We moved into an Apartment together in Lakewood, WA. She stuck with me through some rough times. We spent that first year learning to be a spouse to one another, exploring the art of love.

And we explored well.

We went camping together. We went on road trips. We went hiking. We joined a church. We got a dog. We moved halfway across the country. We had a baby. We built a house. We built and are building a life.

It would be a lie to say that I never loved you, Bree. I loved you from the beginning. Don’t ever let me spin an alternative reality. ***

Did you love your spouse in the beginning? Can you tell the truth?

The lie is easy, but the truth will set you free.

Feel free to use the comments to dispel the myth.

Or, better yet, write a post on your blog dispelling the myth, then tell us about it here

The Gospel

(from: http://www.heartcrymissionary.com/the-gospel)

Download this information in PDF format.

The Character of God

The Holiness of God

• Your eyes are too pure to approve evil, and You cannot look on wickedness with favor. Habakkuk 1:13
• But your iniquities have made a separation between you and your God, and your sins have hidden His face from you so that He does not hear. Isaiah 59:2

The Justice of God

• For the LORD is righteous, He loves righteousness; the upright will behold His face. Psalm 11:7
• But the LORD of hosts will be exalted in judgment, and the holy God will show Himself holy in righteousness. Isaiah 5:16
• God is a righteous judge, and a God who has indignation every day. If a man does not repent, He will sharpen His sword; He has bent His bow and made it ready. Psalm 7:11-12

The Depravity & Condemnation of Man

• For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. Romans 3:23
• For all of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous deeds are like a filthy garment Isaiah 64:6
• For as many as are of the works of the law are under a curse; for it is written, ACCURSED IS EVERYONE WHO DOES NOT ABIDE BY ALL THINGS WRITTEN IN THE BOOK OF THE LAW, TO PERFORM THEM. Galatians 3:10

The Great Dilemma

• He who justifies the wicked and he who condemns the righteous, both of them alike are an abomination to the LORD. Proverbs 17:15
• Far be it from You to do such a thing, to slay the righteous with the wicked, so that the righteous and the wicked are treated alike. Far be it from You! Shall not the Judge of all the earth deal justly? Genesis 18:25

God's Action

While maintaining His holiness and justice, the Bible also affirms that God is love, and that in love He has responded to the plight of man.

Motivated by Love

• God is love. By this the love of God is manifested in us, that God sent His only begotten Son into the world so that we might live through Him. In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. 1 John 4:8-10

The Cross of Christ

• For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, being justified as a gift by His grace through the redemption which is in Christ Jesus; whom God displayed publicly as a propitiation in His blood through faith. This was to demonstrate His righteousness, because in the forbearance of God He passed over the sins previously committed; for the demonstration, I say, of His righteousness at the present time, so that He would be just and the justifier of the one who has faith in Jesus. Romans 3:23-26

The Resurrection

• He who was delivered over because of our transgressions, and was raised because of our justification. Romans 4:25

Man's Response

Repentance begins with a recognition and confession that what God says about us is true that we have sinned.

• For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me. Against You, You only, I have sinned and done what is evil in Your sight, so that You are justified when You speak and blameless when You judge. Psalm 51:3-4

A genuine recognition of our sinfulness and guilt will also lead to genuine sorrow, shame and even hatred for what we have done.

• For what I am doing, I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate. Romans 7:15
• Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from this body of death? Romans 7:24

Apparent sincerity of confession alone is never definite evidence of genuine repentance. It must be accompanied by a turning away from sin.

• Wash yourselves, make yourselves clean; remove the evil of your deeds from My sight. Cease to do evil. Isaiah 1:16
• therefore every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Matthew 3:10

Faith Defined

• Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1
• and being fully assured that what God had promised, He was able also to perform. Romans 4:21

Faith Based on The Promises of God

• For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life. John 3:16
• Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved Acts 16:31

Example of a Believer

• worship in the Spirit of God and glory in Christ Jesus and put no confidence in the flesh Philippians 3:3

The Basis of Genuine Assurance

• True conversion: A true Christian is a new creation and will live a life that reflects God's radical work of re-creation in his/her life. Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. 2 Corinthians 5:17
• You will know them by their fruits. Grapes are not gathered from thorn bushes nor figs from thistles, are they? Matthew 7:16
• Assurance is based upon self-examination in the light of Scripture. Test yourselves to see if you are in the faith; examine yourselves! Or do you not recognize this about yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you unless indeed you fail the test? 2 Corinthians 13:5
• These things I have written to you who believe in the name of the Son of God, so that you may know that you have eternal life. 1 John 5:13

Test of Biblical Assurance

1 John 1:5-7 (Walking in the Light), 1 John 1:8-10 (Confession of Sin), 1 John 2:3-4 (Obedience), 1 John 2:9-11 (Love for the Brethren), 1 John 2:15-17 (Hatred for the World), 1 John 2:24-25 (Perseverance in Doctrine), 1 John 3:10 (Righteousness), 1 John 4:13 (Spirit's Testimony), Hebrews 12:5-8 (Discipline)


 © HeartCry Missionary Society. Website: heartcrymissionary.com or hcmissions.org

On Fire!

13 That very day two of them were going to a village named Emmaus, about seven miles[a] from Jerusalem, 14 and they were talking with each other about all these things that had happened. 15 While they were talking and discussing together, Jesus himself drew near and went with them. 16 But their eyes were kept from recognizing him. 17 And he said to them, “What is this conversation that you are holding with each other as you walk?” And they stood still, looking sad. 18 Then one of them, named Cleopas, answered him, “Are you the only visitor to Jerusalem who does not know the things that have happened there in these days?” 19 And he said to them, “What things?” And they said to him, “Concerning Jesus of Nazareth, a man who was a prophet mighty in deed and word before God and all the people, 20 and how our chief priests and rulers delivered him up to be condemned to death, and crucified him. 21 But we had hoped that he was the one to redeem Israel. Yes, and besides all this, it is now the third day since these things happened. 22 Moreover, some women of our company amazed us. They were at the tomb early in the morning, 23 and when they did not find his body, they came back saying that they had even seen a vision of angels, who said that he was alive. 24 Some of those who were with us went to the tomb and found it just as the women had said, but him they did not see.” 25 And he said to them, “O foolish ones, and slow of heart to believe all that the prophets have spoken! 26 Was it not necessary that the Christ should suffer these things and enter into his glory?” 27 And beginning with Moses and all the Prophets, he interpreted to them in all the Scriptures the things concerning himself.

28 So they drew near to the village to which they were going. He acted as if he were going farther, 29 but they urged him strongly, saying, “Stay with us, for it is toward evening and the day is now far spent.” So he went in to stay with them. 30 When he was at table with them, he took the bread and blessed and broke it and gave it to them. 31 And their eyes were opened, and they recognized him. And he vanished from their sight. 32 They said to each other, “Did not our hearts burn within us while he talked to us on the road, while he opened to us the Scriptures?” 33 And they rose that same hour and returned to Jerusalem. And they found the eleven and those who were with them gathered together, 34 saying, “The Lord has risen indeed, and has appeared to Simon!” 35 Then they told what had happened on the road, and how he was known to them in the breaking of the bread.

(Luke 24:13-35)

Last month a big wildfire broke out just outside of Sedona, AZ; due to droughts and high winds the fire dramatically increased in size in just a day. Almost immediately, and without warning it was threatening the town of Kachina Village. One news report described the scene: "As smoke billowed over their homes, residents threatened by a growing Arizona wildfire filled their vehicles with clothes, heirlooms, medication, legal documents and family pictures. Many of them collectively gasped when they were told at a community meeting that a wildfire was approaching... Elsewhere in this village of about 1,400 off Interstate 17, residents were clearing brush away from their homes and hosing down the landscape. Search and rescue crews with the Coconino County Sheriff's Office were going door to door while pre-evacuation warnings were in place checking to see which residents were home and which weren't. For those who they knew were safe, they placed a yellow ribbon on their mailboxes."

Imagine this scene, right outside of your town, there is a huge fire burning, it is threatening everything you own. What do you do? You get as far away from it as possible. You don’t want to be anywhere near this fire so you take everything important to you and leave. You want NOTHING to do with this fire.

My parents have a fire pit they built in their backyard, this has become sort of a gathering place, and whenever they have a fire going you can expect people to naturally gather around it. People are drawn to the warmth, light, and comfort of the fire. Some of the best memories we have are gathered around a campfire sharing stories, enjoying each other’s company gathered together.

Think of the drawing effect a campfire has. If you have a fire pit and start up a fire, your neighbors might show up, friends will gather around with you, even people you don’t know might show and introduce themselves, starting a new friendship. Everyone wants to be a part of this fire.

Often in Christendom, you hear the term "on fire" to describe zealous Christians. I am sure you understand what this means when someone says they are "on fire for Jesus." So Lately I have been thinking there seems to be 2 types of being on fire for Jesus. The first is like a wildfire and the second is like a campfire. So let’s talk about the "wildfire" Christian and the "campfire" Christian.

Everyone has seen a wildfire Christian. How could you not see them? They stand on street corners shouting, they attack you in the mall, at work, on the beach, and anywhere else you might be enjoying a nice evening with your family. These are the people the average person is describing when they say "crazy Christian" or "radical Christian." 

Wildfire Christians have a fire for Jesus and they use that fire to go around and burn anyone that happens to cross their path. They know a lot of truth, and they use the truth to burn people. Just like the fire in Katina Village, Wildfire Christians make people pack up and get as far away as possible. Wildfire Christians make people want nothing to do with Christianity; they say "If you are what Jesus offers, I want nothing to do with him!" 

Wildfire Christians love telling people they are sinners who are going to hell, they love telling people all about the law and how we aren't good people. They are big on law and forget all about the grace and love Jesus shows.

 I used to be one of these wildfire Christians, I pushed so many people away. I can’t even begin to imagine the damage I did to the name of Jesus with my zealous judgmental demeanor and attitude. I lost multiple friends. Rather than being Christ like, I became a Pharisee and thought I was better than "most Christians" and was too good to actually get involved in lives of, and care about "lost people." 

Wildfire Christians will proudly proclaim that they are sinners saved by grace, and that they aren’t better than anyone else, but somewhere deep inside they have a very prideful arrogance and actually believe they are in fact in some way better.

A friend of mine had this to say: "A wildfire does not control itself which is the inherent part of a wildfire.  It burns bridges... It burns structures that are there to protect people.  A wildfire is still warm... It is just indiscriminate.  It lacks sensitivity and control... Thus a need for the fruit of the spirit to increase our self control.  Anyway...the guys who act like wildfires don't know what they are doing...they are just burning.  They are doing what they are supposed to...just in an indiscriminate way."

It is much harder to find a campfire Christian. They are all over, but they don’t ask to be seen, they just go about their lives, trying every day to be more and more like Jesus. They help people without any motive. People naturally are drawn to the campfire Christian. He is able to talk to people about Jesus because people respect him and see he is an honest and caring person. He has a definite fire burning, but this fire provides warmth and light, it doesn’t burn people. Let me make sure I am clear on this; I am not saying this person just sits and waits for someone to ask him about Jesus, he is active in his mission. But He doesn’t see evangelism as a specific thing you go and do, but he uses every aspect of his life to bear witness about Jesus. He is big on showing the Grace and Love of Jesus and combines those with words to both show and tell people about Jesus. I can’t really properly put this person into words, but it’s that person you are drawn to, and you know he is a Christian without even having to ask, not because they are constantly spouting off bible verses, but instead because they have a genuine love for people. They are selfless and are willing to accept more pain then they deserve. You can just look at them and know they are filled with the Holy Spirit. A Campfire Christian sees themselves as a normal person, not superior or "better" than non-Christians. They have an honest desire to see those around them saved, and spend hours and hours praying for others salvation. They get involved in people’s lives. They aren't afraid to get dirty and get down in the trenches with the most marginalized groups. They aren't worried about their image, so they are willing to go where the wildfire Christian would never go. Wildfire Christians often see them as lukewarm, but in reality they are doing exactly what Jesus did, meeting people where they are, and being a friend of sinners. I so desire to be this person. I want to my Christianity to be something so natural, yet different, that people can’t help to ask me about it. I find my pride is the biggest thing that gets in my way. Somewhere deep inside my fallen self, I find this rotten root that is trying to infect the rest of me. I struggle with so many aspects of this, for instance, prayer is hard for me, but I am working on it, and I truly believe Jesus is blessing me in those efforts.

So let me ask you, what type of Christian are you? Are people drawn to Jesus through you, or do you make them pack up and get away as fast as they can? Are you affecting your culture in a positive way with grace and love by being a part of it, or are you trying to separate yourself like a Pharisee, and then going into culture to burn it with your truth?

There is one other option out there that I need to talk about, that is Christians that don’t have a fire at all. They just take their faith and wrap it in a napkin and bury it, hoping that they never have to tell anyone about Jesus or their faith. This is the worst thing a Christian can do, it is worse than being an unbeliever. 150,000 people die EVERY SINGLE DAY. Jesus told us to GO MAKE DISCIPLES. This is an active command. People will NEVER just happen to see that you are a Christian and become a Christian. You have to be active in this mission; you have to step out in faith and resolve to live your life for Jesus and his mission.

But if I say, "I will not mention his word or speak anymore in his name," his word is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones. I am weary of holding it in; indeed, I cannot. (Jeremiah 20:9 NIV)

 

Me and my ADHD

I don't know if anyone will read this. Actually I don't care if anyone reads this.

 I have ADHD. I have thought I did  for a long time, ever since my early teens. My parents always put it off as me being undisciplined or unmotivated. even when i tried to tell them something was wrong with me they never would listen, they just pretty much had a "fix it yourself" and "ADHD isn't real" attitude. All throughout my teens I had problems. I couldn't ever finish my homework, I would put off doing my chores until right before my parents got home, I could never keep my room clean, I would forget to water or feed the dogs, I would even forget about personal hygiene, like showering or brushing my teeth, I always was losing stuff--Sunglasses, hats, keys, backpack, wallet, even my Dad's tools. My parents always would get so mad at me because of these traits and many others I constantly displayed. I pretty much failed High School because I couldn't ever remember to finish my homework. My teachers would get so frustrated with me because I would Ace EVERY test they gave me, but I just never could finish my homework. I never could do well at sports because I couldn't focus on what was going on. My mom has videos of me Playing with flowers in the grass in the outfield or messing with my shirt at the goal line.  I really struggled in pretty much every aspect of my life growing up. The ONLY place i felt like made sense was at punk rock shows. Finally there was a place where there was so much going on that I could actually focus. between the mosh pit, the loud music, the crowds, the crazy clothes and hair; I FINALLY felt like I could just be me. Of course this led to destructive behavior that is innate with any of the underground music scenes.

After I got out of school and moved out on my own it didn't get any better. Within a year of living on my own I had multiple accounts in collections, I was behind multiple months on my rent, I had negative balances in 2 checking accounts and maxxed out credit limits on 2 credit cards. I had held and lost or quit over 12 jobs and couldn't pay my bills because i couldn't find work. My house was constantly a disaster, Dirty dishes piled up, garbage all over, I even remember a potted plant spilling over and never getting cleaned up. I got to the point where the power and water had been turned off, and they were in the process of evicting me from the place.

When all this happened, i knew something was obviously wrong with me, and i knew i needed to do something. My solution was to join the Air Force. They say that with ADHD when you have an idea you have to act on impulse and do it right away. Well that was entirely the case with me joining the Air Force. I was laying in bed one night at about 3 am, worried sick about how far behind I was on all my bills and trying to figure out what i was going to do. The thought came in my head that i should join the military. My first thought was to join the Navy, but I decided that I didn't want to be on a boat and I had always heard the Air Force treats you better. So I decided I was going to join the Air Force. I couldn't wait though. I got up at 630 AM and went to the recruiters office, of course he wasn't open yet so i looked at the hours and made sure I was at his door at 9 am when he opened. I didn't want to wait, i wanted to get on the plane that day and leave. Unfortunately I had to go through a whole process and wait for a job to come available. I moved back in with my parents while I was waiting to join and Suddenly I had a combination of both the problems I had growing up and the problems I had when living on my own. I always was behind on paying my parents the rent we had agreed on, I still couldn't stay at a job, I struggled with cleanliness, and I was always getting in trouble for not finishing the chores i was assigned.

I finally got to Basic Training in July of 2007 and I thought for sure it would help me fix all my problems and finally learn some of what i thought was a lack of discipline. As it turned out I struggled all the way through basic training also. I failed multiple inspections, Constantly struggled with drill, I would get called out all the time for all sorts of attention to detail things such as strings on my uniform or my wall locker not being arranged perfectly. I always thought i had done everything i needed to do , but then I would end up failing another inspection, or forgetting to lock my security drawer and ending up in trouble once again. I made it through basic by the skin of my teeth and went on to Tech school. Of course I struggled in Tech School, Forgetting to study for the following days test or getting so distracted I wouldn't fall asleep until super late and then not wake up on time for reveille. Some how I graduated Tech school and made it into the Operational Air Force.

Little did I know My first assignment would be hell for me. I was sent to the Air Force Financial Services Center, Which was a new centralized center for processing all Air Force Finance Transactions. I was assigned to travel and was expected to sit quietly in front of a computer and repetitively input data into a computer system hundreds of times a day. there was absolutely no variation in my job. day in and day out for 49 months I was expected to do the same task over and over and over again. Anyone with any experience with ADHD knows this is the worst possible thing you can have us do. We need to be able to do multiple tasks, to keep moving and going from one task to the next. I absolutely failed at everything about this job. I consistently didn't meet any of the metrics, I would fail to process as many documents as I was supposed to, I couldn't keep my accuracy anywhere near what it was expected to be. Day in and day out I would see my name at the absolute bottom of all the boards with stats on them. I saw all my peers get promoted to auditor or team lead, and people who came in years after me move past me while i still sat there attempting to do a task that I just could not do.  I finally got a break in 2010 When I was slated to deploy to Iraq. I feel like this was the first time I ever excelled at something. I remember my supervisor telling me that I was the one person he was most worried about deploying with, but that i turned out to be his number one troop over there. The reason for this was clear to me. It was a high stress environment with a ton of things going on at once. When "normal" people felt like they were drowning in stress, I felt like I finally could actually work and use my brain in the way it was made. I absolutely loved being deployed. Dealing with lots of customers and having a hundred things going on at once kept me motivated and working hard. Unfortunately, after that 6 months in Iraq I had to return to the Finance Center and go back to staring at a computer. My Biggest struggle became getting distracted. One little thing would pop into my head and I would HAVE to go right then and Google it. Before I even found the answer I wanted something on that page would spark my interest and I would click on it, or google that, then before I knew it I was 15 pages away from what I originally needed to look at and had just wasted 40 min. of my day. I got moved to be right next to my supervisors so they could keep an eye on me, but that didn't really help either. I would get so distracted or lost in my thoughts in the middle of a voucher that i would sit in the same voucher for an hour even if it should have only taken 15 min. If I got a big voucher it would seem so overwhelming to me that I would just try to avoid it as long as possible. I constantly was being told that I pretty much sucked and couldn't do anything right. Of course that just made the situation worse because I would get so frustrated with myself that I just hated even being at work. This all just kept getting worse and worse. It was like a was on a slide that was greased with Crisco and trying desperately to climb up but just kept sliding further and further down. I also constantly struggled with paying my bills. I would always impulsively buy stuff and end up not having enough money for rent or for my electric bill. I got my electricity or water turned off multiple times and ended up back in debt again. I struggled with keeping my house clean. I had an extra room in my house and it would always end up just absolutely filled with junk. so bad that you couldn't even walk around. The problem was always the same. I would try to keep on top of something like my bills or cleaning, but after a few weeks or a few months I would start to let it go, then it would get to the point of where I saw it as overwhelming so I would just give up and ignore it until it was SOO bad that I had no choice but to take care of it.

I have constantly, Since I was a kid, had problems with speaking out of turn, interrupting people, and not being able to stay quiet. If people are talking I always feel like I have to join in. If there is a chance to ask questions in a class or in a meeting i feel like I have to ask something. The worst is that I don't even notice a lot of time that i am doing it. I constantly push people away because of this. All the rest of my ADHD related problems seem minor compared to this. I have had supervisors just explode and verbally attack me because of this. I have ruined countless friendships and relationships because of this. If I could only change one thing about myself it would be the way I communicate. There is nothing I hate more about myself than this. I wish I could just tell all the people I have annoyed or made mad that I am sorry and that I wish I could fix this about myself.

I finally decided in the spring of 2011 that I wanted to figure out what was wrong with me. I started doing research online and was absolutely amazed to find out that there were other people that had almost exactly the same struggles and problems I have spent my whole life dealing with. I was really biased going into this because my parents had always given me the impression that ADHD wasn't real and it was just something made up. But the more I read the more I realized that there is tons of scientific evidence proving it is real, and that I had ALL the signs of it. I finally scheduled an appointment with mental health and saw a psychiatrist. The Psychiatrist knew almost right away that I had ADHD just from our first meeting. He formally diagnosed with me with it and started figuring out treatment. I have tried medicine, but I didn't notice much of a change. I quit the medicine and decided I wanted to try to fix it myself. I felt like a huge fog had been lifted and I finally could see exactly what was wrong with me and learn to live with it.

After I was diagnosed with ADHD I was so relieved to find out what was wrong with me and I felt like a huge weight lifted off my shoulders and I could finally put a name to my problem. I wanted to tell everyone I knew that I have ADHD and I wasn't just weird or messed up. I started telling people, starting with my own family. The first person i told was my Mom, and she told me she doesn't believe I have anything wrong with me. And as I told others almost everyone reacted in a way that made it seem like it was just a trivial thing, that I was stupid, or that ADHD was just made up and it was all in my mind. This really hurt. I felt like I finally could understand what was wrong with me and I thought that it will help others to see why I act the way I do. Instead I just got rejected and Mocked by those closest to me. After this I pretty much started hiding my ADHD and didn't like to tell anyone about it. It stunk not to be able to tell anyone though, because if I didn't tell people my personality would just push everyone away, but if I did tell them, then they would treat me like I was making stuff up. hiding it just seems like the easier option.

Since then I have moved from Ellsworth to a different job at McChord. I now am doing much better at work. In this job I deal with customers and have a bunch of different tasks to accomplish everyday. My ADHD has really helped me to excel at work. My supervisor tells me that I am her number 1 out of 9 airmen under her. I have been able to come up with multiple innovative solutions to problems we had around the office, or just better ways to do little things that I discovered. My mind allows me to skip the analytical part of going through a problem and see the shortcut or get directly to the solution. When other people spend time going in a linear path from one step to the next through something I can see it all at once and jump straight to the conclusion. I usually cant tell you how I got there, but I just know that I did. I guess I don't really understand how " normal" minds work so I cant really describe the difference, I just know there are something I can figure out faster than most people and without having to go through a lot of silly steps.

I have found that written plans, budgets, timetables, schedules really help me to stay focused a lot better. The problem that I have is that I will get an idea of how to fix this problem i am having (Create a budget and track all of my expenses on my smart phone so i can stay on top of my finances) and I will focus completely on that and get it all set up and ready to start using, then I will do it for a few weeks and slowly I will stop doing it and revert back to the old ADHD me.  I really want to figure out how to take all these ideas I have, put them into practice and then make it habit to where I just do it and stay focused on it and actually learn to control my ADHD.

The other problems that i have is with time management. I will get so distracted by something such as the Internet or facebook or the news or whatever that I will completely forget what I am supposed to be doing and focus entirely on that thing. In my mind I say "oh it will only be one minute, its no big deal" but then before I know it, it has been 25 min and I end up late or i missed something. A perfect example of this is that one time last summer Bree and I were going to go do something, so I picked her up after work and we drove to my house so I could change. She decided to wait in the car while I changed and said to me "please don't take forever" So on the way to my door I thought to myself "OK, I am not going to look at anything, I am going to change and get back out there as fast as I can." well I went in to my room, got my blouse and one boot off and thought about something i needed to look up on my phone. I grabbed my phone to "just look at that one thing real quick" well before I knew it she was knocking on my door, and it had been 20 min. When I went and opened the door I had upset her so much that she was crying and telling me to take her home. The worst is how I hurt others. Specially Bree. I try so hard to always make sure I am not going to hurt her and when i do something like that it makes her feel like I forgot her or something, which hurts her really badly and in turn makes me Feel like Crap. I ahve tried to talk to her and explain to her how my brain works, but she just cant understand and I know it frustrates her that I am this way. She has told me multiple times to get help, but I really think the best help I can get is to have her and others actually try to understand me and help me work through my flaws.

I am deployed right now, and i have spent the last 3 months of this deployment really trying to work on my self discipline. I have been actually staying on top of budgetting my money, paying off my debt, and creating and sticking to a daily routine so I can get in all the things i want to be doing done. Now there have been days where i have gotten off course, but i feel like they are  getting fewer. I really hope I can continue this when I get home. What I really hope is that people will read this Blog and see how much i truly struggle with this and will try and help support me. I promise I am trying as hard as I can to fix myself, but I just really could use help from those around me. I know the The LORD is always with me also, he gave me this "disorder" for a reason and he has used it to bless me in huge ways. I know he is guiding me and I love that through my weaknesses he shows his strength. His Grace is Sufficient for me.

One last thing. ADHD and ADD are real disorders. They are not made up, they are not some ploy by the drug companies to sell more drugs. They are real and the earlier someone is diagnosed the better chances they have of learning to lead a productive life and actually live well with the hand God dealt them. If you think you, or youre Child has ADHD PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE get it checked out. Nothing has helped me more than actually beign able to put a name to what I had going on inside me and realize that I am not alone in my struggles. I am worried about a lot of kids that I see that remind me of myself so much, People like my little brother, who have a lot of the same problems I had, and havent been diagnosed. Rates of everything from suicide to crime to drug use to gang membership is higher with kids that have ADHD. The only way to help these kids is to get them diagnosed and actually start treating them and working with a behavior therapist to find ways to cope with the issues.

I am sure that most of the people who read this will just keep thinking ADHD is made up, or just a trivial thing some kids have. but ADHD, including adult ADHD is very real and seriously affects me and many others day.

This article really helps to explain how it feels to have ADHD and if you really want to try and understand those of us with it, you should read it: http://www.healthyplace.com/adhd/articles/whats-it-like-to-have-adhd/having-adhd/

"It is written"

 And Jesus, full of the Holy Spirit, returned from the Jordan and was led by the Spirit in the wilderness

 for forty days, being tempted by the devil. And he ate nothing during those days. And when they were ended, he was hungry.

 The devil said to him, “If you are the Son of God, command this stone to become bread.”

And Jesus answered him, “It is written, ‘Man shall not live by bread alone.’”

 And the devil took him up and showed him all the kingdoms of the world in a moment of time,

 and said to him, “To you I will give all this authority and their glory, for it has been delivered to me, and I give it to whom I will.

If you, then, will worship me, it will all be yours.”

 And Jesus answered him, “It is written,
  “‘You shall worship the Lord your God,
  and him only shall you serve.’”

  And he took him to Jerusalem and set him on the pinnacle of the temple and said to him, “If you are the Son of God, throw yourself down from here,

 for it is written,
  “‘He will command his angels concerning you,
  to guard you,’

  and
  “‘On their hands they will bear you up,
  lest you strike your foot against a stone.’”

  And Jesus answered him, “It is said, ‘You shall not put the Lord your God to the test.’”

And when the devil had ended every temptation, he departed from him until an opportune time.

(Luke 4:1-13 ESV)

OTHER VERSES TO REFLECT UPON:

2 Timothy 3:16-17 , Psalm 119:105, Joshua 1:8, Hebrews 4:12, Acts 17:11,

Ephesians 6:10-17

Well this passage of scripture has been on my heart to write about for 2 weeks now.  I kept neglecting it but I just couldn’t shake the feeling that I need to write about what the lord put on my heart concerning this scripture. So I am sorry if it comes out as a jumbled mess of thoughts, but I will try my hardest to make it make sense

My 2 biggest challenges since becoming a Christian 2 and half years ago has always been Prayer and staying strong in my daily devotional bible reading. I get so distracted by all of the other things of life that I neglect these 2 most important things. I know I am starving myself spiritually, not reading The Bible or spending time in prayer is a lot like going days without eating, it is starving yourself spiritually of the "nutrients" most important to your soul. Listening to a sermon on Sunday or saying a little prayer every once in a while throughout that day are like little snacks, but they can never take the place of the "meals" that is spending time daily in The Word, and spending time specifically with God in a dedicated prayer session.

Since I have gotten to this deployment my bible reading has grown a lot stronger, there is less here to be distracted by and I find it easier to take time right before bed to get in a good session of reading. However, my prayer life is still struggling. I have an hour set up every morning specifically for prayer, but I end up staying up to late at night, then not getting up in time to go pray before going to work. I keep telling myself I am going to change this, but then I just do the same thing over and over and over again. 

So in my bible reading I recently read this passage, and it struck me in a way it never had before. I have probably read this passage 10 times before in my previous times of reading through the Gospels, but before I always thought "oh it’s pretty cool that he was able to resist the temptations of the devil" and that was about the end of my thought process on the matter. But this time as I read through it, I noticed something unique about how Jesus resisted the devil. He didn’t do it by his own power, or by any sort of strength he had, but instead he was able to resist the devil because he knew the scriptures. We see three specific examples of Jesus being tempted by the devil and all three times Jesus uses a Quote from The Scriptures to specifically stop the devils temptation. Now, obviously, we know that Jesus is God so he actually has power over Satan because he created Satan. But I think he put these into scripture to show us how important it is to know the scriptures in order to help defend against the spiritual attacks we receive every day. Ephesians 6:17 makes it clear that the Word of God is more than just a way to help us; it's actually the sword use to fight the enemy. All of the rest of the spiritual armor is defensive but the Word is actually an offensive weapon that puts us in a position of power over the temptation of the devil.

The last of the 3 examples of Jesus being tempted in this passage really stuck out to me. The devil in this example actually USES the scripture to try and tempt Jesus. That means that Satan knows the bible. In fact, I would say he probably knows it better than a lot of us do. But notice how he uses it, He takes 2 random verses, completely out of context, then twists them to fit his meaning. It’s amazing how often we see that happen in our lives. We take scripture and twist it to try and justify some sinful thing we want to do, or to justify not doing something we don't like or don't want to do. There have been whole Cults and False religions such as the Mormons, Jehovah's Witnesses and others that have been built around twisting the scriptures and misinterpreting the Word. Now as you can see, Jesus uses a different verse, in its proper context to actually refute the devil's attempt. As it says in 2 Timothy 3:16-17 , Psalm 119:105, Joshua 1:8, and Hebrews 4:12 the Word is what guides us, it is used for reproof, for teaching, it is a light for our feet, it will make our way prosperous, and it discerns our thoughts. Therefore if we are using it in context of the passage and the Bible as a whole we can be assured it will guide us to truth and will overcome the attempts of the devil to use it to harm us. This is even more of a reason why we need to be STRONG in our bible reading, because if we aren’t reading the bible, we are more likely to fall prey to false religions, teachers, and thoughts.   

So let me use this to encourage you. Take time EVERY day to sit down with your bible and spend time in it. Read it, Study it, Live it. When you are going through the temptations, struggles, and battles we face every day, reflect on the scriptures and use them to fight back against every advance of the Devil. Never listen to what any preacher, prophet, friend, book, or thought says, unless it specifically agrees with the Bible. Remember the Bible alone is the ONLY revelation God gave us, it is Gods only and full revelation to us and it tells us EVERYTHING God wants us to know about him, about how to be saved, and about how to live, no other book, pastor, priest, or prophet has any other revelation besides what is stated in the bible. Anything that does not line up exactly with the bible should not be followed. So in closing please take time and be like the Bereans in Acts 17:11, study the scriptures daily, learn what is true, and how to follow God more closely.

GUILTY!

We have all become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous deeds are like a polluted garment. We all fade like a leaf, and our iniquities, like the wind, take us away. There is no one who calls upon your name, who rouses himself to take hold of you; for you have hidden your face from us, and have made us melt int the hand of our iniquities.  (Isaiah 64:6-7)
Verses to read: 
Romans 3:23; Proverbs 28:13; 1John 1:7-9; John 14:15; Galatians 5:19-21; Ephesians 2:8; 2Corinthians 12:9


 Last Month I had the chance to sit in on a military court marshal. This is the equivalent of a civilian court proceeding. The Airman who was being tried had gotten in a wreck while driving drunk and got a DUI. His friend and him left the bar and got in his car to drive home, a few blocks away from the bar he slammed in to the back of a parked Thunderbird. Luckily no one was seriously injured. his friend had a minor concussion and some broken ribs. But what if he had hit a moving car? he could have died, or killed an innocent bystander.The civilian courts turned the prosecution of this case over to the military, so he was tried in the military court system. 
 The court case started off with an explanation of the charges and then the prosecutor called up their witnesses and each one told about exactly what happened. the Police officer told about how bad he failed the field sobriety test, how he had a .23 BAC, and the way he acted when he was arrested. The nurse from the hospital told of administering the Blood test. His friend told exactly what he remembered from the night. 
 The Defense then called up their witness, The Airman's supervisor, who talked about how great of an airman he was and all the things he had accomplished. He was truly a top of the line Airman, he had made Senior Airman BTZ (he made the next rank six months early), he was put in charge of projects that were above his pay grade, he had a very long list of volunteer activities and all the positive things he had done and he had volunteered for multiple deployments to Iraq and Afghanistan. He was what we call a "stellar Airman."
 After this both sides said their closing arguments and they both recommended to the Judge what punishment he should receive. The Prosecutors argued that because he had committed the crime he should receive a harsh punishment. The defense argued that because he was such a stellar Airman, and he was such a good asset to the Air Force that the Judge shouldn't punish him, or only give him a minor punishment, After all, this was the first time he ever messed up or got in trouble.
 The Judge ended up giving him a strict punishment. He lost one stripe (rank), a half of a months pay was taken, he wasn't allowed to leave base for 15 days, and he had to work hard labor for 45 days. 


I do a lot of witnessing, and one common thing I come across more than anything, is that people think that their goods will make up for the bad they have done. Most people feel that they are good (Proverbs 20:8) and that God will let them in to heaven because of how much good they are done. This is a lot like this Airman. He thought that because he was such a good Airman the Judge should let him go. He hoped that the judge would see all the good he has done and overlook the bad. But the judge couldn't do that. Because the Judge is just, and must uphold the law, he had to punish the Airman for the DUI. If he had let the Airman go, he wouldn't have been a righteous judge at all. 
 The Bible says that God will judge the world in righteousness (Psalm 96:13), And because he is a good Judge he cant overlook even the smallest sin. In fact, He tells us in his word that we will be judged for EVERY idle word we ever speak. (Matthew 12:36-37). Every sin we commit will be brought before Gods Judgment and we will have to give an account for it. The punishment for sin is eternity in Hell. (Romans 6:23) No matter how much good we do, God will never look at our good deeds and overlook our sin. The bible says that People who practice sin will not inherit the Kingdom of God (Galatians 5:19-21) Just like the Airman, you can beg and plead for God to forgive you, you can promise you will change, you can masquerade all of your good deeds in front of him, but he says that is all just a filthy rag (Isaiah 64:6-7) It is like trying to bribe God with your works.
 But at the same time, God loves us so much (John 3:16) that he made a way for us to get out of the punishment that we deserved. He sent his Son to live a perfect life, then die a sinners death on the cross. When he did that he took every single ounce of punishment we are owed upon himself. He made a way for us to be forgiven, not because of what we do, but because of what he already did (Ephesians 2:8). His Grace is sufficient. His strength upon that cross covered us. When we are weak, it shows how strong he is. (2 Corinthians 12:9). 
 Jesus wants us to obey him. He told us that if we love him we will obey him (John 14:15). But we obey him because we love him. It is not to try and earn our way into heaven. Jesus gave you us a free gift with his salvation, and when we try to earn our way in its like we are trying to pay for that gift. but our payment is pathetic. It could never add up to the cost of his sacrifice. When he died on the cross he forgave all of our sins, past, present and future. And we know that if we confess our sins to him, and turn away from them, he will forgive us completely. (1John 1:7-9) no matter how bad of a sin it is, no matter what you have done, Jesus's sacrifice at Calvary covered it. He paid your fine in full and he is ready to forgive you , All it takes is trust. Just trust that he died for your sins and was resurrected 3 days later. You might not feel worthy of his forgiveness, but the truth is, that none of us our. every single one of us are filthy, sinful, wretched people. We deserve nothing less than death. But Jesus gave us what we don't deserve. he gave us life, eternally.


PRAYER IDEAS
- Ask God to Search heart, to make sure you aren't trusting your own righteousness
-Thank God For his Sacrifice
-Praise God For how great he is
-Confess your sins, even the deepest darkest sins of your heart
- Ask the holy spirit to humble you so you may trust fully in Jesus's sacrifice.
- Pray for the salvation of those that dont know Jesus.

faith enough to ask

this Article is very inspiring. Do you have enough faith to ask?